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FUBAR: Absent Player Table

Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:38 pm
by Skyman
The World Largest Dungeon
Away From Group Random Action Chart (AFGRAC)
By Skyman, Infernus, Cthulhu and Blanch Prez certified

Roll % Dice

1-5 Absent player takes the most logical and safe plan of action
5-10 Use a random magic item on head…magic items not identified hold priority
11-14 Makes out with the other missing player character…Otherwise masterbates with vigor
15-17 Uncontrollable flatuelence. Farts in opponents general direction
18-33 Cross dress up as Punk Skank Azz Ho…
34-53 Roll Twice and ignore roll 1 thru 5.
54-61 “Spear into throat.”
62-63 Give treasure to other players who showed up for the game…you loser
64-79 Bezerk door opening mode, Viking Orc style. Character opens the next 1D20 doors. Does not check for traps and yells “Cum get sum!”
80-84 Handles nearest animal inappropriately…kinda like Richard Gere and gerbils. Use your imagination.
85-86 “Toss Gortex’s Salad” with enthusiasm. If this happens to be Gortex then he will self pleasure and gurgle the lyrics to the sound of music.
87-88 Clutches ankles and becomes victim to Oswalds new spell “Finger thrust.”
89 You wrestle the next encounter bare handed and naked(From Dork Tower)
90 Character takes a pee on anything moving
91 Diplomacy has failed…time to attack
92 F*#K (sexual intercourse) nearest animated creature encounter…Treants hold priority over others
93 Name the next magical item found with either the prefix or suffix of Dyna or Tek…ex: Wand of Frost become Frostek.
94 Knock on the next 1D8 doors and say (1D6)
1 “I’m your Mary Kay representative”
2 “Avon!”
3 “Land Shark!”
4 “Wanna buy Girls Scout Cookies”
5 “Hi, I’m here to bring you the latest edition of the watch tower.”
6 “Hello, I used to be addicted to crack. Would you like to buy a magazine to keep me off the street.”
95-96 Runs boldly ahead with battle cry…even if party is fleeing
97 Will ask 1D12 NPC’s questions of (1-3) John’s choice or (4-6) Daves choice or (7-8) random guess choice on a 1D8. Because John and Dave show up more than anyone.
98 John’s choice that is not already listed...sadly it will only end in tears
99 Will ask NPC what to do and then do it to the word…the evil wizard tells you “Eat shit!” …guess what you do
100 Dave’s choice that is not already listed...and you know what a fucking bastard he can be

Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:38 pm
by Gotetsu
Why do I dread knowing what happened last week?

Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:43 pm
by Skyman
Dave rolled a 78...if that helps.

John actually rolled well...and my guy got Fireball hemroids from a tower. Goodtimes

Rex got to test out Oswalds new spell with a roll of 89

Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 3:58 pm
by Skyman
You'll need this chart...we should probably sticky it