Glad I never had kids...
Glad I never had kids...
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is
hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...
Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft.
house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape.??It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can,
to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit.??A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane)??doesn't stop a baseball
hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already
too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though
a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
cannot walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do
not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin,TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid.
25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
without kids.
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is
hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...
Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft.
house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape.??It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can,
to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit.??A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane)??doesn't stop a baseball
hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already
too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though
a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
cannot walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do
not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin,TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid.
25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
without kids.
A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction. – William Faulkner
- BlanchPrez
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[quote="Gotetsu"]:lolup: [/quote]
I second that emoticon!
Chris
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- BlanchPrez
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[quote="Gotetsu"]type ":" then "lolup" then ":"
Most of the emoticons you actually can type out.[/quote]
And you're pointing this out why?
Chris
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- BlanchPrez
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[quote="Gotetsu"]Because I'm dyslexic and I read "need" intead of "second":screwy: [/quote]
Ah, yes, those two words are quite close in spelling, I can see where the confusion would come from. :P
Chris
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- smartmonkey
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Now, to find some chlorox...
Email: Morgangilbert01 @ gmail.com
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"If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable."
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[quote="BlanchPrez"]Ah, yes, those two words are quite close in spelling, I can see where the confusion would come from. :P
Chris[/quote]
Actually, I think I read "second" and saw "so need"...er...yeah. Had a Smartmonkey moment. Forgive me.
"Don't do that! I peed a little." - Cthulhu after Infernus made an impressive Intimidate roll.
- Count Zero
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- smartmonkey
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[quote="Neuro"]I've got the brake fluid....[/quote]
Sounds like a plan.
Email: Morgangilbert01 @ gmail.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/people/Morgan_Gilbert/577987881
"If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable."
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"If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable."
- LadyKittyCat
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[quote="Count Zero"]I would so beat my kid....[/quote]
As the mother of two children in that general age catagory... I
1) find those rather humerous as they (For the most part) happened to someone else and not me... and
2) would so go beyond the "beat my child" stage.... LOL
I am a figment of the imagination... your imagination, my imagination, their imagination.... Does it really matter?
[quote="LadyKittyCat"]As the mother of two children in that general age catagory... I
1) find those rather humerous as they (For the most part) happened to someone else and not me... and
2) would so go beyond the "beat my child" stage.... LOL[/quote]
Yeah, if my kid did all of that, it would seriously come close to a "factory recall" of a child. Because there is something soo wrong with a kid who would do ALL of that.
"Don't do that! I peed a little." - Cthulhu after Infernus made an impressive Intimidate roll.
[quote="Gotetsu"]Yeah, if my kid did all of that, it would seriously come close to a "factory recall" of a child. Because there is something soo wrong with a kid who would do ALL of that.:nono: [/quote]
Actually, I think she had several male children...kinda like the mother on "Desperate Housewives." 'Course that means multiple whippin's I would hope...
A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction. – William Faulkner
- LadyKittyCat
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[quote="Gotetsu"]:lolup:
Yeah, if my kid did all of that, it would seriously come close to a "factory recall" of a child. Because there is something soo wrong with a kid who would do ALL of that.:nono: [/quote]
*blinks* Do they do factory recalls of children? WHere can I check the list to see if either of my models are on it?
I am a figment of the imagination... your imagination, my imagination, their imagination.... Does it really matter?
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I must say that I am really surprised that no one has tried to pin this kids behavior on Bush.
That aside...it does sound like some of the stuff my mom had to put up with me and my two older brothers...god I need to make up for that childhood...
That aside...it does sound like some of the stuff my mom had to put up with me and my two older brothers...god I need to make up for that childhood...
Some people are like Slinkies ... Not really good for anything...... But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
- smartmonkey
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My brother was the one to pull the crazy shit in my family. I would doodle on the walls. He'd flush an action figure down the toilet, clogging it, and making my dad dissassemble the whole thing to pull poor Catwoman out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Email: Morgangilbert01 @ gmail.com
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"If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable."
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/people/Morgan_Gilbert/577987881
"If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable."